Four Months

I left work at 38 weeks because I could no longer do the following things:

1. Reach my feet to put on my shoes
2. Get my flip flops on my swollen feet
3. Get my sneakers on my swollen feet
4. Unbend my fingers before 10 a.m.
5. Go three minutes without needing to pee
6. Wear pants

My last day was September 30, 2010.  Tomorrow, I will have been out of the office for four months.  That's the longest I've ever gone without working, and it all ends tomorrow.  I return to the "real world" on February 1, 2011.  I go back to an office of people I (mostly) like.  A job I enjoy and a regular paycheck.  

I decided to only work three days this first week - all half days - in order to adjust.  My boss is being great about what schedule I work.  I figure I'll work until I don't want to anymore then I'll get Nate and go home.  I think out big issue is going to be getting out of the house by 6:45 a.m.  

We're morning people, so I don't think the earliness is going to be the problem, after all that's when I left the house before we had Nate, its that now I have to feed and dress another person while I am in turn feeding and dressing myself.  I'm a pretty organized person, and I already have Nate's tote ready to go.  Stuff to go to daycare: diapers, clothes, Tylenol, gas drops and two binkys and a few things for the bus ride home, a spare diaper and wipes, receiving blanket, warm suit and toy.  I hope that if I have all this ready the night before mornings will be easier.

We don't have any wiggle room either.  Jason has an 8 a.m. class and the professor is crazy about people coming in late.  So, wish us luck! And leave any tips on how to get out of the house if you have them.

Picasa

I have been having way too much fun with Picasa.

A friendly warning to my boss: you probably aren't going to get much work out of me for a while.

Zoo!

Today was such an amazing day, sunny and in the mid-fifties so my big sister and I decided to take the kids to the zoo.  We hauled my 2 and a half year old niece, my 12 month old nephew and Nate out and boy did they have fun!  Well, that is to say my niece and nephew had fun.  Nate slept, Nate ate, Nate pooped - so it really was a normal day for him.

We saw all of the normal zoo things, Nate was either staring at the inside of the stroller, or at my shoulder.  Being a fall baby the kid doesn't have too much experience with the sun and finds the giant ball of fire somewhat distasteful.

I did manage to get my niece into trouble.  While big sister ran to the bathroom I was watching the kids.  My niece ran off and didn't come back when I called her.  I counted to 3 and she stayed where she was shaking her head and saying "No Aunt 'lissa, No!"

So, I went to her, and grabbed her hand just as big sis was coming back.  Well, little niece ran over to big sis crying and carrying on.   Once big sis figured out that little niece didn't come when called it was time out time. Since she misbehaved she had to stay in the stroller for the rest of our trip to the zoo.  She HATED it.  But, big sis figures she'll listen next time.

Big sis is really good at making sure the kiddo's know why they are being punished.  So, she'd ask little niece why she was stuck in the stroller.  The answer we eventually got, translated into adult is "I don't want my Aunt Melissa to come get me.  If she doesn't come get me, I won't run away then I won't have to sit in my stroller".

You have to hand it to her, it's a logical argument.  I have a feeling Nate will be just as logical, to our doom. DOOOOOM!

Daycare

Jason and I just got back from meeting Nate's teacher.  No wonder postpartum depression rates in the US are so high.  We have our babies, get to spend 12 weeks with them and then say goodbye.  They spend the majority of their waking time with their teachers.  But don't forget girls, breast is best! Take your pump to your office and express that milk!

I know most kids go to daycare, and I'm confident that Jason and I have found the best possible environment for Nate.  Volunteer grandma's come in to hold the little babies, they use cloth, I can get there without Jason and pick Nate up.  I'm not worried about Nate being okay, I'm worried about me being okay.  I can't imagine not being with him all day, not getting to see his smile or kiss his tears away.  For Nate's part, he's happy so long as he's fed, rested and played with.  He's so easygoing, and so young that I don't think the transition is going to be that hard for him.

What's funny about this entire situation is I never planned on staying home with the kid(s).  I never thought I'd want to.  So the fact that I'm freaking out about this as much as I am is a huge surprise to me and probably part of the reason I'm finding this so difficult.  I get cabin fever so easily, and I do still feel the need to get out of the house a few times a week, but I'm not being driven crazy by being home with Nate all day.  He's so much fun to interact with, and to be honest, we've been so busy that I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.

6 days left...  I better make it the best 6 days of his life.

Living Free

I just realized that I have been wearing a bra nonstop since sometime in September.  That means my girls, who are used to at least getting 8 hours of bra free play time a day have been caged up in some kind of contraption for five months.  The only exception is when I shower, which for the first few months was every 4 days or so.

To honor my breasts, and to help ease the transition from nursing bras back to my pre-pregnancy bras today I let them roam free.  Enjoy it while it lasts girls!

UPDATE!!!
Yeah, the whole no bra thing lasted about four hours before I went searching for a nursing bra.  Maybe next month girls.

Road Trippin'

Last weekend Jason and I realized that if we wanted to take Nate to meet his Great Grandma and Great Aunt and Uncle we'd have to go this weekend.  I go back to work in a week and Nate starts daycare and the thought of spending 10+ hours in a car the weekend before we make that particular transition is enough to give me a panic attack.

So last Saturday Jason gives everyone a call to make sure they are free and I begin to figure out how you get a three month old to travel five hours without screaming.

It turns out you don't.

We got really lucky on the way down.  After a few hours of continuous napping Nate woke up for lunch.  We laid him on the booth bench so he could get the wiggles out (the wiggles are a genetic condition he got through me).  He was perfectly happy there while Jason and I ate, then he ate, then he pooped then we got him back in the car and got another hour and a half before he was. not. happy.  Naturally at that point, we're so close to where we are going that it doesn't make any sense to stop so we spend the last 20ish minutes with a screaming baby.  FUN!

After some visiting and dinner we check into our motel and try to settle in for the night.  We moved Nate into his own room after he had been home for a few weeks because no one was sleeping.  We kept him up, he kept us up.  It just didn't work.  Friday night brought that all home again.  Nate's schedule was in shreds (shreds) by this time.  So, he's completely exhausted and a super fuss-butt.  We finally get him down in the pack and play and try to get ourselves settled for bed.

And then Nate sneezes...

...and then Nate sighs....

We get to sleep at 11:30

Nate cries twice at 2 a.m....

....he sneezes again at 2:45.

Fast forward to 4 a.m. and he is UP and ready to PLAY.    We finally get him back down at 5:30 and sleep for an hour and a half.

Incidentally we ran into the people that had the room next to us and we apologized for all the noise.  The motel had thin walls and we know Nate woke them up.  And see, this is where having a charming baby makes all the difference.  As we were eating a light breakfast our neighbors came in for theres and Nate made them fall in love with him.  They didn't stand a chance - to the point that they sat down with us and made faces at him for 20 minutes.

We met up with Jason's family after that and visited some more before the long drive back home.  By this point the newness of everything had wigged Nate out to the point that he wouldn't really sleep so we ended up stopping every hour and a half to two hours for a good hour to feed him, change him or play with him.  All I can say is thank god for McDonalds.  Jason and I haven't been to one since we met (his hatred for McDonalds is unnatural) but they are clean, tolerate screaming children, have changing stations and only charge $1 for a soda.   It took us 7 hours to get home

But we made it.  Nate ate, Nate got a bath, Nate slept for 11 hours.

All in all, the road trip wasn't the nightmare I imagined it would be.  But, you couldn't pay me to get back in a car today.

Dear Breastpump

Dear Breastpump -

We've had a very up and down relationship.  Jason and I were determined to breast feed for the first six months.  I knew I'd be seeing you.  After all I have to go back to work and they frown on me bringing my child in every day.  Even still I resented the hell out of you when you were wheeled into my hospital room.  Just seeing you was admitting defeat.  Nate's jaundice got bad.  Really bad.  We spent a night trying to get him to eat, but he'd keep falling asleep.  By 3 a.m. we were wiping the kid down with cold wet washcloths in the hopes that it would piss him off enough to start sucking. I know it was't your fault - the jaundice made the little man lethargic and he had to poop to get better.  You and the formula helped him poop for which I'm eternally thankful.

But then, I had to wake up every three hours and attach you to my breasts like some demon spawn milking machine only to get 1.5 oz.  We worked and worked at getting my milk supply up. I took fenugreek and smelled like pancakes. I drank five cups of mothers milk tea a day.  I drank a beer every night, but we maxed out at 11 oz a day.  But we kept it up. I was happy I could keep giving the little man breast milk and it was nice being able to wake up Jason to tell him it was his turn to feed the baby.  We borrowed your twin from my sister so I could pump in two rooms without having to move you.  Decadence!  After a while pumping was no big deal.  It was a good chance to watch a little t.v. or read a book.  It became some me time at a point in my life where there isn't me, just a whole lotta 

But, I go back to work in two weeks and it just doesn't seem possible to keep pumping every two hours.  So now we have to say goodbye.  It's been a great three months!  I'll see you in a few years when the second kiddo pops out.  Until then, stay out of trouble, and off of other women's boobs.  

Love,

My breasts

Sleep

When we found out we were having Nate, I knew that I would be saying goodbye to sleep.  Everyone told me that you exist on no sleep for years, and once you have the first one sleeping, you're welcoming number two into the world.  The sleep deprivation started during the third trimester.  It turns out you really can't sleep through a near constant need to pee.  On top of that I had really bad carpel tunnel and we have a tall bed, so getting in and out of bed required a fair amount of wakefulness.  Yet everyone kept telling me, "you can not sleep now, or not sleep with a newborn".  They said this like not sleeping with newborn was going to be awful.  I believed them.

And then Nate came.  In the hospital the nurses were constantly telling us to sleep, and then constantly coming in to draw blood, check vitals or blood sugar.  Nate was put on a feeding schedule to help reduce his bilirubin levels.  Every three hours around the clock we'd wake the baby, put him on the breast for a few minutes, hand him to dad for a bottle while I pumped.  Every. Three. Hours.  

Luckily that only lasted three weeks and since then I've been blessed with a sleeper!  Unless he's really tired, Nate doesn't fight sleep (thank god!).  He regularly sleeps 8 hours a night and takes 4-6 hour long naps a day.  That means when he's awake he's the happiest baby.  When he wakes up in the morning, he smiles the biggest smile.  As I peal the blankets of the swaddle back he starts cooing and babbling nonsense, it's the greatest sound to wake up to.

So - to everyone who told me that the sandman had dropped my house from his route.  Suck it!  I'm getting better sleep now then when I was pregnant.  Go Nate!

The Birth

Nathan James

October 12, 2010

7lbs 8oz

22 inches

The date on the camera is a lie

I had gestational diabetes while pregnant and was scheduled to be induced on Monday the 11th of October. When I went in for the induction they checked how far along I was, the doctor was disappointed that I hadn’t progressed at all since he’d stripped my membranes a few days before hand. I was sitting at 1 ½ cm and 50% effaced. He decided to let me labor slowly while they ripened my cervix and start the pitocin the next day.

And… then my labs came back. I was spilling proteins and had high blood pressure. Hello pre-eclampsia! Since the only cure for pre-eclampsia is to get the baby out, they abandoned the plan to let me labor slowly and started the pitocin at 7 a.m.

At 10 a.m. the doctor came back in and inserted a folly bulb to help me get to 3 cm. He stripped my membranes again and inserted the bulb. Not five minutes later I felt it fall out. The doctor had just left the room and the nurse didn’t believe that it had worked so fast. They did a cervical check and sure enough I was at 3! We figured I’d have my boy by dinner.

At 1 p.m. they started the magnesium sulfate to prevent seizures. This is when they started restricting my fluids to half a cup of ice chips ever few hours. To anyone who hasn’t had mag sulfate it’s awful! It makes you hot – we had to turn the room temperature down to 55 and I was still burning up. It makes you thirsty and gives you cotton mouth. But, a side effect is that it causes your cells to hold on to fluids which means you can literally drown if you take in too much fluid so no water!

By dinner time I was only at 4. Around 8 the epidural wore off. I felt horrible pressure and I was really hoping it was time to push. I was still at 4. The anesthesiologist came in after an hour and gave me a few boosts to the epidural and I was pain free until midnight when it wore off again. I had made it to six centimeters around 10 and the pitocin was at 40 (maximum dose) and I figured I was on my way to a c-section. When they checked because of the pain I was at 9 ½. They had me wait a half an hour and checked again. I still had a lip to my cervix so we waiting another half an hour.

I was very nearly at 10. They gave me the option of pushing or waiting another half an hour. At this point the pain was so bad I asked to start pushing. They wouldn’t boost the epidural because they wanted me to feel where to push. And boy did I feel it! After two hours of pushing I was begging for the vacuum. The pain between contractions was so intense I couldn’t tell when I was contracting and when I wasn’t.

The baby was finally far enough down to suck out at around 4 a.m.


 Nathan James was born at 4:29 a.m. on October 12^th. He had the cord wrapped around his neck which is why it took him so long to make his way out in the world. He had low blood sugar at birth which was fixed with a bottle and became severely jaundiced at two days.

Recovery was rough on me. My blood pressure stayed elevated as did my liver enzymes. Nate and I were in the hospital until Saturday (a five day post partum stay) when things finally normalized for both of us.

I was scared I wouldn't like being a mom, or that I wouldn’t love him right away. Those fears went away as soon as I held him for the first time.  He’s a very calm little guy, exactly like he was while I was pregnant. We've had to give up on breastfeeding. We had to introduce formula so early to keep him healthy he completely lost interest in the breast. Added to that my milk never fully came in and now I have a formula fed baby that gets supplemented with breastmilk as often as I can give it to him. I guess that was the first lesson that things don’t always go the way you want them too.